Monday, 22 October 2012

Love or passion?

   "Increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, an intence feeling of excitement? Diagnose: you're in love." That's what a friend would tell you.
   As for me, love is a lot more complex than that. There are so many kinds of "love": love as a passionate desire, love as the emotional closeness, the platonic love (which defines a friendship relationship), love as a profound devotion to something or someone (like the love for chess in my case),or the ideal fairytale of which every little girl dreams- love as a concept that encompasses all of those feelings. 
   Because of the love's abstract nature, there have been a lot of discussions about it at all levels -the most of them reduced to some cliches, as the Virgil's "Love conquers all" or the Aristotle's "Love means to will the good of another" or the so well known "All you need is love",by Beatles. Love can be seen both as an "absolute value" or a "relative value". The philosopher G.Leibniz said that love is "to be delighted by the happiness of another".  
   It is a bless when one's capable of love. It's a bless which many don't appreciate. They take it as given. There are a lot of people incapable of love or with a limited capability- the people with histrionic personality disorder and the ones with narcissism.
   The biological bassis of love has many aspects itself. If considering it to be an instinctual drive,much like hunger and thirst we can speak about lust, a feeling that usually don't last more than some weeks,or tops-some months.  If we speak of the romantic side of attraction,it's when two partners find something attractive and they pursue it.This  feeling is the one that makes us say "I've fallen in love". Actually, it's not love. Some recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that the brain of people who fall in love consistently releases a certain set of chemicals,including pheromones, dopamine,serotonin,etc, which produces an effect similar to the amphetamines one, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to such side effects as increased heart rate, loss of sleep and appetite, and an intence feeling of excitement. This stage can last about 3 years. I find that that's the main reason why many marriages fall apart in their first stage,because people get confused,or better said "fooled" by themselves. Since we consider these first 2 stages (lust and attraction) to be temporary, the logic conclusion is that there should be some third stage- I see it as the "attachment"- the feeling that leads to long-termed relationships. Attachment is much deeper, it involves some sort of bonding. This last feeling should lead to marriage and having children. 
   Unfortunately, it's not easy to be objective when  you think that you "love". It's even funny when it comes to the situation when a closed to you person tells you "You're wrong,don't hurry" and you tell him to fuck off and to stop envying. We usually call him after a time saying  "I'm sorry,you were soooo right!".
   In conclusion, we should be happy if we're able to feel love and we should simply enjoy it. All this analyzing is much of a waste of time,because love's a drug and we stop being rational when feeling it :)
   Love, attachment, attraction, lust- who cares? As long as you two enjoy it- it can't be bad!


  1. Great article. Love, attachment, lust, they are the different sides of the same coin. It is a circle - people feel happiness, then suffering, some folks will surprise you, other will disappoint you. So in the end end we can only keep our heads up and go for it. That`s what makes life interesting, right? :)

    1. Thx :) I completely agree with you ;)

  2. Very deep and well documented analysis! And I like the final message, that should in my opinion be read by all those people who are hiding their feelings with respect to another person because of being afraid that something will not go well afterwards and get disappointed: in love, as in chess or life, if you don't take risks and go for it, you'll never get a winning chance!

    1. Thank you! I'm also for taking the risk! :)