20 years to go

     I am again in Romania and it feels... almost right.
     I've been inactive for quite a bit- this past month wasn't easy at all and the reason is the World Junior Championship- the last one for me.
      I took the 5th place, though I was leading the tournament for some rounds. One may think that it was just another tournament- one of the so many others I've played- but it was a special tournament for me- one where many ideas, hopes and tries to prove myself met. There's no point of hidding my disappointment- anyone who understands a professional chess player can see it easily- I did my best at the time and though there might be some things I'd change now- I couldn't have done more.
     An important period of my life has just ended- 20 years have passed in no time at all and it's time for asking myself what's next. What do I want to do now? What is the plan? I am still not sure about the answers and a serious thinking is ahead. There are no hopes, no plans and no ideas, no things I want and nothing I want to try- but there will be... sooner or later. It depends only on me. In fact, who can know better than myself which direction is the right one for me?
     They say that the biggest mistake in chess is to have no plan- "It's better to have a bad plan than no plan at all." The only thing is that we're not talking only about chess here.
     I have about 2 and a half weeks of finding "the plan", of doing all the necessary calculation and estimating the final position after all the possible variations.
     Looking in retrospective- these 20 years were good. God, I'd be a liar if I'd say I'm not happy of the way I lived- it's just that so many "what if" attack me... though I guess there's nothing strange or out of common in this.
      What to say more?

      "There are twnety years to go
       And twenty ways to know..."




xoxo from Romania I guess ;)

Enjoy the silence

     Have you ever felt the optimism running through your veins? That's exactly what I feel now.

     I remember myself some months ago, when everything seemed to go wrong. I was disappointed, unhappy and so vulnerable... I used to tell myself that better times will come and I was telling it after each and every disappointment. I was so desperate not to be left alone with my thoughts- that used to be my worst nightmare.

     Better times have come :) I've started enjoying the silence again. Nothing is better than a silence that can be filled only with some positive thinking! It is so comforting to be able to enjoy a minute, an hour, a day of complete silence. 

     They say that the World has started with a word, I think that it has started with the silence before the word. It is easy to pronounce something, but it's a great power to know that you can do it and still keep the silence.

     I was thinking, what word would I use to create the World? "Love", "Air", "Universe", "Peace", "River", "Heartbeat", "Thunder", "Rain", "Sun", "Breath"... Which one would it be?

     I think that I would use "Hope".