Friday, 8 February 2013

The Invisible Hood

     They say one should not make all his ideas and concepts about life public. Why so? I think it's a great way to spare one's time- the people who don't like what you've put down will not take your time and the ones who share it or find it challenging will have some common ground with you.
     I've always been ineterested in human beahaviour.
     By definition,  human behaviour refers to the range of behaviors exhibited by humans and which are influenced by culture, attitudes, emotions, values, ethics, authority, rapport, hypnosis (!), persuasion, coercion, social norms and genetics.
     I think that my behaviour is influenced by the way I think of myself mostly. The feeling I get when I wake up in the morning  is decisive for the way I'll behave that day. I might feel unconfident and it might make me be distant, unwilling to socialize, seeking for being alone. On the other hand, I might feel confident and it would make me be friendly, optimistic. I might wake up stressed- in that case I'd need a big latte macchiato and some breakfast in order to go from grumpy and anti-social to poker-faced. I can wake up smiling- it doesn't happen as often as I'd like but it makes me feel that I'm the center of the Universe and it strangely makes me seek for being alone again. I like being alone when feeling this glowing warmth inside of me- it is such a good feeling that I don't want to let anyone take it away- these are the moments when I don't take phone calls and I keep my laptop closed. It's not that I don't want to share this feeling- it's that I'm afraid someone might ruin it, so it's better to put on the "invisible" hood...
     I change my "how I've woken up" behaviour only when I experience very strong emotions or when I'm around people whom I find intimidating. The most interesting thing about it is that it's never the people who you'd expect to be intimidated by and it always takes me by surprise.
     I could analyse my behavior for hours, and I do it when I can't fall asleep- it's the way I've discovered many things about myself, things that are so obvious but one never noticies them. I think that understanding how your behaviour changes when influenced by all kind of factors might be very useful in understanding yourself better and synchronizing the inside you with the "on view" one.

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