Tango

     What is better- to be lonely or to fill it up?
     Oh, twenties- such a foolish time! That's what our mothers and elder  friends say. How well do you know the phrase "Oh, I've been through this- it's such a non-sense- you'll get over it."?
     I always think about my future and I don't really see a scenario that I would like. It doesn't really matter, does it?! I'll have time to rethink about all of these in my thirties- actually I'm not even in my twenties yet- 5 months to go.
     I am just curious when have dreaming and just living the moment started not to be enough. What a 19 y.o can possibly want more? "You tell me." you'd say. Well, I can't, because my dreams have started to turn into nightmares and my enjoying the moment has turned into worrying what's next. What is it about? I don't know- maybe it's just life. You know- this thing called life. We never thought that it could be the way it is and maybe we wanted it to be different.

     We all want to tango through our lives with a bright destiny gently touching our waist, don't we? It turns out that not only bright destinies can tango or sometimes a step might not be worth learning. How many steps of a tango have you learned? None? You're a lucky man then.
     I wish I could waltz through my whole life- knowing just 4 steps- birth, success, love and death.

My Universe

     I like imagining my future- designing it the way I'd want it to be.
     I create a small Universe- one only for me and for the people I want to have in my life. I have everything I need there. There's only love, respect, loyalty, friendship and peace there. There are no obstacles that can't be bypassed.
     My Universe gets new people and new colours year by year and it changes from time to time.
     I remember that I didn't want to depend on anyone, I wanted to be a successful chess player- to travel a lot, visiting new places and getting to know new people. I wanted everyone to like me and I wanted them all to wish they could become my friends.
     My Universe has got a new interface lately. I still want to become a successful GM and I want to travel to new places, but this thing with not depending on anyone...
      I've started to think that it might be not that bad to depend on someone- to make plans not only for myself. Would it be so bad having someone who loves and respects me by my side? I stopped wanting only to get things- I want to give something back. I believe that there are persons worth being given things.
     After all, life's not only about receiving- it's about maintaining a balance and I feel that mine isn't trimmed.
     I am thankful to the ones who've made me want giving things to the World.
     The good people are the ones who give you their love, respect and friendship, but the worthy ones are those who make you want giving them your love, respect and friendship.

9 Months

     I was wondering today how is that to have a child.
     When a woman spends 9 months of her life carrying a baby under her heart- what kind of love must she feel? It should be something very deep. Well, everyone knows that there's a strong connection between the mother and her child, but I started to think how special it must be only now. Why now? Because I've started to wonder how much love is there to give. How much love can one give during his life? Doesn't he run short of it at some point?
     If one can give so much love, I guess that it means that he can also take the same amount of sorrow. There should be a balance. The more you give- the more you get. There's unfortunately no filter to what you get- it can be either bad or good.
     Giving more means exposing yourself more. You put so much out there that if you lose it- there might be nothing left for you and it is scary. Well, life is generally scary and  if one would start to be afraid of getting hurt- he'll never get to grief other what or whom he lost but in the same time he'll never feel himself being integer- he'll never be so happy that he could feel that he can fly...
     Real love inspires, gives you hope and it puts all you've got on a public bench. It's a really big risk- the only hope is that the right person would take a sit on the bench and that he'd take care of what you had put there...

     The point is to choose very carefully the alley where you want to find a bench.