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| Photo by: Pavel Gorczyca |
With my headphones on, I take a sip of San Pellegrino enhanced
with some slices of lemon. The pretentious sparkling water is part of the rewarding
myself plan which I’ve conjured some hours ago, while doing groceries. And the lemon?
Well, it is supposed to make me feel better about my disastrous eating regimen lately.
Looking through the window, I see a sunny Bucharest. The
city is packed these days. All these people running here and there to desperately
check off items on their Easter shopping lists… I’d much rather stay at home, which I’ve been partly
successful at doing. I say ‘partly’ because the very first days after my returning
from the Europeans in Rhodes were crazy. All those people congratulating me, an
interview here, an interview there, my phone buzzing all the time- it was
dizzying.
Now that the dust has settled a bit, I can finally process everything.
Looking around, I see that the dust has settled on my working desk too; on the trophies
which lie around, mostly on the floor, dreaming of a nice shelf; on the tiles my
steps are taking me to on trips from one room to another… I’d better do some
cleaning soon. Perhaps it was smarter doing it before attempting to do the same
with my thoughts and feelings. One step at a time though. Today I’m content
with cooking for myself for the first time since I’ve returned. It was nothing
fancy, just a soup, which was enjoyable but not particularly satiating. My
stomach is already demanding food again. It can wait. Afterall, we eat to live,
not the other way around they say. Hm, a stew would still be nice.
Back to the thoughts and feelings department now. This medal
which has fallen upon me is the first individual continental one in my life. To
quote the press, it is the biggest achievement of my career so far. Despite them getting wrong various, at times even most of the details about me, this
one- they got right. They all expected me to be filled over the top with joy,
inspiration and pride. I even almost felt those things at times, almost. However, it is only hunger that possesses me, in all senses. Even my cat throws worried glances at me. I guess my stomach must be on some violent protest. God bless
these headphones! I can cold-bloodedly ignore the protests of masses in a
similar fashion to the one ruling parties do in too many parts of the world
these days. Interesting, what types of headphones do they use?
Now that we’re past these parentheses, let’s recalibrate our
focus on what’s important here- thoughts. Or was it feelings? They seem to have
merged lately. Anyhow, it is time to get to the bottom of them. Let’s pick it from
that hunger feeling. The idea is that I felt happy for maybe ten minutes and
then, there was nothing. I imagined it to be different. Of course, I don’t
claim that the attention I was given by the press and officials, multiplied by
my friends’ and family’s eyes sparkling with joy and pride left me cold. It was
enjoyable, but unsatiating, just like my soup. At least my stomach knows what it
wants- a second course, maybe even some dessert. And I, what more could I possibly want?
