Think. Wait. Fast.

These three words got stuck in my head just before coming to the recently finished tournament in
France. Yes, greetings from my flight back home. It’s been a while since I felt like writing, or to be more precise since my everyday imaginary writing materialized. Why now? Why not? 

I have recently read a book which I liked a lot- “Siddhartha”, by Herman Hesse. It was about the need one has to find meaning in life. The novel is beautifully written and gives a lot of food for thought. I have the feeling that Herman and I could have interesting conversations, preferably accompanied by some glasses of wine. His “Steppenwolf” marked me deeply when I read it in my late teens, and it might had been the first planted seed of what has grown to be my quest for meaning.

Meaning… It’s not certain that there is one at all. It might well be none whatsoever- like in my last 2 games, when from 2 completely winning positions, I scored 0,5/2 versus lower rated opponents. Funnily enough, I started the tournament well, scoring 3,5 out of the first 5 games, but the quality of my games was questionable- to put it mildly. However, in the last 2 games, the quality raised significantly, and the results decreased accordingly. Tell me now the universe doesn’t have a sense of humour. I would cry if it wasn’t so funny.

On the other hand, I spent quality time with friends, though they could argue differently. In the last day, one of them told me that they might need some antidepressants before our next conversation. It came right after my joyful explanation that suffering is not bad at all, and it can be enjoyed. Now that I read it, perhaps some antidepressants would actually do me good. Do you think Herman would write “Der Steppenwolf” if he was prescribed some pills? No suffering, no quest for meaning. Perhaps the book would then be called “The pack of wolves”. Jokes aside, it is always a dilemma during tournaments- to spend nice time with your friends, who also happen to be chess players, so you don’t really see each other in other circumstances or to focus solely on the competition. You usually try to find some sort of balance. One way or the other- tournaments tend to come to an end and then you travel back home, back to your thoughts and quests.

One time, after 4 years of travelling and meditating with no dime to his soul, Siddhartha wanted to learn the way of love. He came to a city where he saw a beautiful courtesan who he immediately knew would be the perfect teacher. When approaching her, asking to be taught the ways of love, the beautiful courtesan told him that he should bring precious gifts to her first and change his appearance to look groomed. Siddhartha agreed. Just before leaving, the courtesan felt compelled to try helping him out and asked what his skills were. The answer stroke me as brilliant. “I can think, I can wait, and I can fast.” I thought that it’s exactly these skills which chess players also have.

Now that the tournament is over and I am back home for a few days, I’ll allow myself some time for these three occupations. I think there’s no problem whatsoever to have a bad event every now and then and I don’t mind to patiently wait for better times while living in my head for a little while in order to let my body and soul fast.