The price of choices

     I've never been so sure about what I want to do with my life.
     One needs a cold shower from time to time in order to see things clearly. It's difficult to accept your failure. It's disappointing to realise that you simply can't do certain things, but afterall, it's better to know your limits and to stop doing things that don't suit you.
     I've always been an overachiever- the best at school, the best at chess. I've got used to this- I always tried to be the best at everything I did and it made it even more difficult for me to accept a failure. I feel like I've let down myself.
     I don't know whether I should keep trying or I should focus on things that are really important for me. I guess that the second option makes more sense...
     On the other hand, what about all the people whom I'll disappoint with my quitting? I know that it's my life and I should do what I think that is right for me, but something doesn't let me do it. I wanted the sheep and the wolves to smoke the pipe of peace, but it turned to be quite impossible.
     I wish I could choose the second option with a less price.

Seeking for happiness

     When all you can think about is yesterday, it's a sign of weakness. I don't do this, at least I pretend not to. I want to have the power to think and to feel only what I want. It's amazing how one can feel so free and mighty and broken in the same time. Those things were incongruous the last time I checked.
     Winning is all I want and if it means that I should become someone I don't like- I'll do that. I used to judge people who were able to do everything in the name of something they wanted the most. I used to think they were rakish, mean and I disdained them. Well, I've changed my vision now. One should do everything for becoming happy- if you want to be a champion- do whatever it takes!
     I don't want to be the good, cool, friendly girl anymore. I don't care if one would think of me as cold-blooded, spoiled or mad or whatever as long as I would be a real champion. It's the time to pay the price whatever it would be and no matter of it's consequences.
     Who knows if there is life after death, one should be happy here, in this world and from now on- my status is "seeking for happiness", not "making everyone happy".