I plant my fingers deep into the mud and
wonder if burying myself alive would make me reconsider the indifference to
which I’ve been treating my miserably hopeful companion. Leaning against the
other side of the wall, a rope looks at me serenely. Mortality is something we
share and immortality’s the thing neither of us will ever attain. Yet, we
couldn’t be more different to one another. The darkness she chose to accompany
me to is just one end. The other’s up there, basking in sunlight. Duality’s
nothing but another thing I hated about the World above. Hence, I’ve never felt
the slightest temptation of climbing back.
One handful of dirt after another, the hole
grows deeper. So does my desire to comfortably lay in a tomb. I don’t know what
happiness might be, but laying here, half foot into the ground, I almost feel
life’s pain gone. Closing my eyes, I enjoy the warm stillness. With each
breath, truth seems to be closer. Yet, this perfect numbness is disturbed by a
presence. My companion. There’s a vibration of hope given perhaps by the
promise of her reuniting with its other half. Why hasn’t she given up on it?
It’s been centuries since they last met. Why doesn’t she just pull the other
into darkness? Is the mere possibility of being back together under the sun
worth what could be an eternity of damnation? I must either accept her
limitations or help her out. There are no other ways of stopping these
thoughts. If after all the time spent in this damp silence, she’s still not ready
to renounce on worldly things... I could perhaps do one last thing for her. Slowly
taking upon the task, handfuls of dirt start piling up next to me once again.
I’m not doing it for myself. It’s not an excuse to feel the sun caress my
skin. Out of earth’s sweet embrace, I start shivering. Is it the cold or the anticipation?
I am ready for this mission. One last
effort and then, I’ll be able to plunge into an undisturbed solitude. Taking
the rope into my hands, I unhurriedly start climbing. She feels tight against
my touch, trembling at times. With each step, my eyes’ struggle to stay open
increases. I remember another thing I hated about this World- its dazzling lights. Nevertheless, the determination to complete the mission pushes me to
steadily work my way up- eyes closed. The effort, or the sun, what is it that
makes my skin burn? Does it matter? Soon it will be over. Getting to the edge
of the well, I jump to the ground. Not daring to open my eyes, I take a
full breath of air. Then- one more. This smell- the smell of life makes my
lungs hurt. I hurriedly pull out the rope of the well. It no longer feels tight
against my skin. The burdens of darkness, silence and loneliness must be gone.
Opening my eyes, an image starts shaping in front of me. Two identical and yet
so different sides of the rope laying next to each other.
Looking one last time to my companion, I
sigh and plunge back into darkness. The balance is restored.
