A tender flapping of wings

A calm afternoon at home. There are not so many of them lately and I make sure to enjoy it at its fullest. I planned on playing an online women’s blitz tournament today, but about 10 minutes before it had to start- I had a change of heart. 

It all started with me remembering to check out an Italian rock singer I watched a movie about not so long ago. I found the song I was looking for and listened to it one time, two times, three times… Then I felt the urge to switch to my best headphones. They have such bass levels that the pleasure you get while listening to your favourite tracks can compare only to… Well, you get it- playing chess. Ai, ai, ai, of course playing chess! What did you think of? As about the noise cancellation- it makes my neighbour’s continuous renovation works sound like a butterfly’s tender flapping of wings. Sometimes I worry that while wearing them I might miss on an important thing happening, like an earthquake or some sudden bombing. Come on, in our safe, peaceful world? Right, right- it is non-sense to worry about such things. Ok, so I started listening to this song on this masterpiece of headphones and even felt like dancing. Why not, a little, innocent dance which no one can see. Just imagine- the neighbour hammering like he’s fighting some autocratic regime and, over the wall- me dancing on my beats, or his beats… No autocratic regime could handle that image!

I now have 5 new favourite tracks from that Italian rock singer and why not listen to them on repeat? They not only make me dance, but as you’ve seen- also provoke deep thoughts on natural phenomena and political ideologies.

I love music. My previous headphones are the best evidence to that. After the four years in which I wore them continuously in all kinds of places and circumstances, they look like my kind neighbour used them to perfect his hammering skills and believe me- his skills are… divine.

Back to that online blitz tournament- the biggest problem is that I can’t play it while wearing headphones. The reason is obvious- serious anti cheating measures which involve joining a zoom call. So, I decided to skip on it and devote those 2 hours to the other two favourite activities of mine- listening to music and writing. Just a second- the 5 songs just finished, and I need them to start over.

Italian is indeed a beautiful language! I already had quite some of Andrea Bocelli’s songs in my playlists, but I have never listened to Italian rock before. Judging by the number of times I have put those 5 songs on repeat today- it’s not bad at all either. I guess you must be curious by this point who I am speaking about. I like this trait of character- curiosity, so I’ll indulge you- Gianna Nannini is her name. And the song which made me dance? Why not indulge on that too? “America”. Perhaps you can also dance on some autocratic beats. Why not democratic if the song is called “America”? I wonder about that myself… Let’s blame my neighbour’s butterfly wings flapping for that. For a second or two I contemplated on the possibility to delve into some argumentation or even analysis on democracy and autocracy, but… I think I’ll just leave some lyrics of the song with their English translation instead.

“Fammi volare

lei le mani sui fianchi come fosse l’America

fammi sognare
lui che scende e che sale e si sente l’America
fammi l’Amore
lei che pensa ad un altro e si inventa l’America
fammi l’amore
forte sempre più forte ed io sono l’America.”

Make me fly,
she with her hands on her hips as if she were America
make me dream,
he who goes down and up and feels America
make love to me,
she thinks of another and invents America
make love to me
hard, harder, and I am America.

 

P.S. "Beautiful rebel" is the name of the movie I watched which was inspired by Gianna Nannini and got me curious to seek her music.

Love Struck

Inspiration struck me in an unusual location today- a hotel’s lobby.

I’ve got a few hours to kill before my flight and even though the sun is shining bright in Cannes, making the weather perfect for a stroll, the numb headache I got this morning preferred staying in. If you wonder what am I doing here, well, the answer rarely changes- chess of course- played some games for my French team over the weekend. They might serve as the headache’s cause, but the story I want to tell you today is about something else.

I had an unusual experience recently while reading a chess book. The book was an autobiography by someone I know quite well and because I had read many of his previous books, which I liked, I thought it would be an interesting read. It was indeed, even though I was familiar with many of the stories and games. What I was surprised by was that I got this intense feeling that I love chess with all my heart while reading it- twice! I can’t recall it happening to me before in such circumstances.

The first time I got it, I was reading a passage where a tournament situation was described. Some games going wrong- the author wondering what to do to improve his position in the tournament. How many times I was in the same shoes? There were so many, that it’s even hard to count. I have the strong feeling that normal people get negative emotions when in such situations and even recalling them provokes unpleasant thoughts. So why the intense love feeling? I always suspected normality not to be my strong point, but really- getting ‘high’ from the author’s struggles which were also mine so many times? I have a theory. Perhaps my brain has developed a superpower- the power to find positive things even when bad stuff happens. I am not sure if to feel sorry for myself- for landing in bad situations so often that I adapted, or to feel proud for being able to get up after each and every kick Caissa sends in my direction.

This life- the life of a professional chess player, which I complain about so many times, but still love with all my heart is full of falling apart and then putting yourself back together. That’s the essence of it. Every time you rearrange the pieces in a new way- sometimes losing a piece, other times- finding a new one. I suspect that many of my colleagues feel the same way, but I have never read someone sharing it in such a frank manner before.

I love chess in all its aspects. I love to win mostly, but I love it even when I lose. It’s not because of some masochistic inclinations- though I wouldn’t totally exclude this possibility. I think the reason is that every loss or disappointment, not only makes the wins taste sweeter, but they also give me the opportunity to reevaluate myself and what surrounds me. It is easier to get rid of something you don’t like after a loss- you don’t hesitate, being afraid that it might have been the secret ingredient to your success.

If I was to reassemble myself now, first thing that I’d lose would be this annoying headache. Jokes apart, I am grateful to this book for showing me that my love for the game has broadened!

At the beginning of this week, I wish you courage- don’t be afraid to lose a piece or two of yourself from time to time! As in chess, in life you also need to sometimes sacrifice a few pieces in order to win the game.